The Schema of Punitiveness
The schema of Punitiveness is one of the many Early Maladaptive Schemas that’s identified in Schema Therapy. It’s a rigid, critical, and moralistic belief system that insists things like flaws, character defects, and mistakes, whether our own or others’, deserve to be punished. People with this schema often think things like:
“You made a mistake—you deserve to suffer”
“People need to learn the hard way.”
“Being soft means you’re being weak.”
When we’re trapped in this world, compassion is a way of being that feels unsafe. Forgiveness feels wrong. And emotional vulnerability? That feels like a threat that carries a level of danger that flips us instantly into a state of emotional distress. This schema drives people to be harsh on themselves and unforgiving toward others, and it makes close, emotionally safe relationships incredibly difficult to maintain. As with all of our maladaptive and ineffective stories, the schema of punitiveness is usually rooted in our childhood. When we grow up in environments where caregivers are critical, demanding, or emotionally cold we are notably more vulnerable to its development in our system.
“The schema of punitiveness is usually rooted in our childhood. When we grow up in environments where caregivers are critical, demanding, or emotionally cold we are notably more vulnerable to its development in our system”
~Steven Morris RP
When it comes to my own personal experience with the schema of punitiveness, it's one that, to be perfectly honest with you, I wouldn’t say is a part of my prominent internal storylines. At the same time, it is definitely one of the cascading schema’s that regularly follows on from the activation of fear within my system. Particularly when this fear is connected to the possibility of the toxic guilt and shame that’s associated with my primary schema of defectiveness.
When it’s in full flow, my schema of punitiveness shows up with a rigid set of beliefs regarding the need to follow rules, to obey the law, and to never deviate from the required social norms connected to my current situation. My internal punitive, and demanding critics are going through the process of pointing out their own unique, and wildly tainted perspective, inside of my personality system. When this narrative is aimed at the external world, it leaves me filled with frustration, resentment, anger, and sometimes rage directed solely at the people around me.
“Without a parental figure that is able to be compassionate, empathetic, and accepting, we don’t internalize a nurturing voice, instead we develop an extremely harsh Internal Critic.”
~Steven Morris RP
It’s not acceptable, they need to be punished, and they shouldn’t be allowed to get away with what it is that they’re currently doing! I’m trapped in the ruminating thoughts connected to my desire to control. Thoughts that, if I’m not careful, debilitate my system to the point of not being able to function in an effective, or adaptive way at all. When the narrative is directed internally, it usually leaves me with that sense of toxic guilt and shame I mentioned before. Generally regarding my own capacity to live up to the expectations I have rigidly set for myself and the rules I’m supposed to follow. These stories can show up in so many different ways. But more often than not, it’s in what you might call more mundane, day to day, social situations.
Things like visiting the grocery store, waiting in line to purchase an item, or simply driving from one destination to another. And, when I’m not aware, the impact of this need to punish myself, or the people around me, for not following the rules that I perceive to be in place, is one that usually stops me from being who I want to be, in the area of life I’m in at that particular point in time. In the PDF below, you will find more information on this particular Schema, as well as a short exercise to help you reflect on wheter its present in your personality system.
Download the Schema of Punitiveness Worksheet
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